The Simpsons, The Mafia and franchising

March 26, 2010

A smooth talker sells Marge on “mobile pretzel retailing.” But when sales go soft, Homer asks for help — from organized crime boss Fat Tony.

Marge: Homer! Did you tell the mafia they could eliminate my competitors with savage beatings and attempted murder?

Homer: [swallowing beer] In those words? … Yes.

Homer: I saw your pouring your heart and soul into this business and getting nowhere. I saw you desperately trying to cram one more salty treat into America’s already bloated snack hole. So I did what I could. I did what any loving husband would do! I reached out to some violent mobsters.

Full Transcript. From television episode, The Twisted World of Marge Simpson, original aired on Fox TV on January 19, 1997

Marge buys a pretzel franchise, fails to achieve her sales targets and violence ensues.

Do you know what it takes to sell a franchise?

September 22, 2008

  • Get them to sign on the line that is dotted.

Blake (Baldwin): Your name is “you’re wanting”, and you can’t play the man’s game, you can’t close them, and then tell your wife your troubles. ‘Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin’ faggots?

Blake: A-I-D-A. Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Attention – Do I have you attention? Interest – Are you interested? I know you are, because it’s fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision – Have you made your decision for Christ? And Action.

Ricky Roma
(Pacino): You know how long it took me to get there? A long time. When you die you’re going to regret the things you don’t do. You think you’re queer? I’m going to tell you something: we’re all queer. You think you’re a thief? So what? You get befuddled by a middle-class morality? Get shut of it. Shut it out. You cheat on your wife? You did it, live with it. You fuck little girls, so be it. There’s an absolute morality? Maybe. And then what? If you think there is, go ahead, be that thing. Bad people go to hell? I don’t think so. If you think that, act that way. A hell exists on earth? Yes. I won’t live in it. That’s me.
You ever take a dump made you feel like you’d just slept for twelve hours?

  • Glengarry Glen Ross: This is the most accurate movie to you will ever see about the selling process.
  • I’ve been there behind the scenes at the franchise trade shows. Just a brilliant ensemble including Al Pacino.
  • David Mamet won a Pulitzer Prize and Tony for his play.

Caution: lots of potty words.

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